Ought

In the name of money, I have to turn back from who I am and love the person I never dreamt to be.

I am under the microscope in the coming days. I ought not to frustrate expectant people that surrounds me. I ought to multiply my efforts to be accepted. I ought to be thankful for where I am and carry the prestige awarded upon me. I ought to show a sense of vindication before the people that brought me down. I ought to accept that it is payback time for the people who has been there for me all along. I ought to raise my lifestyle far beyond what I can. I ought to display perfection.

I must admit that this is the disposition I had been dreaming of a few months ago. But now I am there, I never felt so alone. I thought I was dreaming much more than I should. But when dreams begin to materialize, I never felt so appalled in myself for wanting this kind of life. Situations are unexpectedly conforming to my plans. But I never felt so clueless in who I really am and what I want to be.