Not Anymore

This space...

It stops me from wondering what have you become. It stops me from self-infliction. It groomed my pride. It destroyed my vices. It stops me from looking for you. It convinced me you're no longer there.

This space is unbearable

For it aborted the self that I know.

***

Too many hours was consumed from waiting in vain for you. Too many possibilities I've thought of to understand your absence. Too many times I've tried to prove myself wrong.

I used to be afraid for an invisible wall to exist between us. No matter how much I tried to believe when you say nothing has changed, I can't help but notice how days ran dry without any sign from you. I should know how to get used to it if I could not find out why.

I used to feel you even when you're not there... but not anymore.

Primadonna

For the third time, I was 'regrettably" informed that I am not qualified to be a UP student. But if there is one among these three given instances which I deem unjustifiable, it would be this. After one and a half months of waiting for the examination result from barely twenty applicants, I am excluded among the eighty-five percent who made it. The initial reaction is, to deny myself from being too stupid enough not to pass. I accepted in the instant that this may be about the statistics part of the exam that was so bound to flop. I could have retreated that easily if not for the suggestion from them (yes, from the admin themselves!) to write a letter for reconsideration to the college secretary. It sounded like a very useful tip, since as they said, no one has ever been rejected through that. But that actually pissed me off. What is the use of taking that entrance exam when you can merely put your knees down, lick their asses and be damn sure that you will 'belong' to them in the end?

Moreover, the application procedure presented in their site is inconsistent with the 'real' procedure: it turned out that regardless of the score made in the statistical part, all applicants are compelled to take a non-credit course in statistics, Mondays-Wednesdays-Fridays for two weeks, scheduled at 5:30 in the afternoon. Worst of all is the 5:30 schedule itself that forces applicants to go undertime thrice a week from their offices just to be qualified to enroll in June. Given that they are requiring applicants to have at least one year work experience, it is well understood that most of their students are working students, who will be most of the time be in the office, either from 8am to 5pm or 9am to 6pm. Even an employee who can get out of the office at 5pm must literally fly to UP just to make it for the 5:30 class. All efforts to be exerted for a 'non-credit'-yet-subject-to-payment statistics course. I am inclined to think that the system sounded like a little Republic of the Philippines.

Maybe I am just to bitter, but I am quite aware that I am making sense somehow.

Good thing I gambled a confirmation to DLSU. I still have a good school with a better system. By the way, I already swore to be successful without that UP diploma.