Not Anymore

This space...

It stops me from wondering what have you become. It stops me from self-infliction. It groomed my pride. It destroyed my vices. It stops me from looking for you. It convinced me you're no longer there.

This space is unbearable

For it aborted the self that I know.

***

Too many hours was consumed from waiting in vain for you. Too many possibilities I've thought of to understand your absence. Too many times I've tried to prove myself wrong.

I used to be afraid for an invisible wall to exist between us. No matter how much I tried to believe when you say nothing has changed, I can't help but notice how days ran dry without any sign from you. I should know how to get used to it if I could not find out why.

I used to feel you even when you're not there... but not anymore.