Achievement Overdose

It's not me. It's them.

Look at these people I am fantasizing every night. Granted that I get easily attracted with smart people, but I never realized that these are overachievers... all of them. Their worlds are too colorful. Their lives are too meaningful. Their existence are too important. Then I feel so useless... a dumbass person at 22 with a life experience of a 12! Yet, I am complaining how saturating this life I created... which is, after all, compared with them... is not even half challenging.

Or maybe it's me... again, as usual.

Maybe this is just another self-pity-themed entry. I can even begin to imagine what my next sentences will be like... I am so beneath their level... I am such a nobody, they are too high above me. haha! Can't help but pull myself down. Problem is, I'm not feeling insecured, nor inspired, nor just happy for them. I feel like killing my fantasies with them, or as if I have to erase their faces in my memory.

Melancholia

We know it's deliberate. You know me too well.

This is excessive self-infliction. No further words can suffice.