De Ja Vu?

I just don't understand why me. I am beginning to believe that I am a third party material.

Why, of all people, him? Disregard the looks. But with all his assholeness in the workplace, with all his appalling personality, with all his family pictures everywhere in his room and his gold wedding ring shouting at his finger, why is he having this unexplainable guts to flirt me?

Take note, this has been running for a year already, but recently, things are getting out of hand.

There's just simply no aspect in his being that I can even begin to like, but...

Why am I beginning to secretly miss him when he is not in the office for the entire day?!

How long can I control myself of resisting his everyday flirtation? Every night, I need to remind myself that I've been there, done that and even condemned that. But why am I losing my mind when he sneaks from everybody's eyes just to hold me?

I've never needed a serious boyfriend until now... I badly need one... to do the nicest way of getting him out of my life.

It's For You

This is so overstated.

You don't have to talk. You don't owe me an explanation. I understand you're trying to be fair all this time. I was such a baby seeking for your attention, while I try to close my world for you. I wouldn't tell you I'm happy with how things are going between us, but maybe it's a consolation for you to know that I am doing okay with my life: I've just been promoted as paralegal; I'm back to school and have been challenged by readjustments but I'm enjoying my classes; family is pretty stable now since dad is no longer being brought to the hospital for quite some time now (except of course I have to bear his awkward gestures); and friends are doing well with their careers too. I've been keeping myself busy most of the time and have no time looking for someone new. But life is moving on and is giving me a chance to explore myself and everything around me. Well, in case you're worried if I seem to deliberately exhaust myself because I've been damaged with what happened with us that I cannot even entertain another relationship, you don't have to. I have moved on and have let you go.

My point is, you don't have to avoid me, although I seem to have a grasp why you're doing so. I just hope that although you no longer want to be caught online and you don't feel answering my e-mails, you still visit my blog and read my entries even without letting me know. It's fine though if you decide to break the communication for good if your reason is to prevent what happened last year to happen again. Well, I hope you didn't regret everything though. Maybe I just miss the friendship we created despite the distance. I could have willingly accepted our decision not to get too serious about what we feel, but to forget that we have developed a friendship that was so honest and enjoyable? That's the saddest part of it. I hope I'm wrong.

I'm quite aware that you'll be here few weeks from now, but I'm not expecting you to see me again because maybe it's better not to... if we are really concern not to end up with the same fate again. In the event that you decide to get in touch with me, I have no intention of avoiding you since you're still my friend. Otherwise, I wouldn't look for you. This is not because I don't want to see you again, but because I can safely assume you have to make up for the times you've lost on more important things.

As always, I hope you're doing okay in everything that you do.