Again

Two days ago, I left the office at 8:30pm to finalize my boss' UK Visa. Then, waited for the bus. Then, lined for a cab. It was raining all throughout. Two days from then is the deadline of the submission of all my papers. I barely made the last one for there are too many things in my head: career, family, money, studies, future, God, solace, etc. Then, migraine.

It's been a while since the last time I had one.

This time, no one eased the throbbing pain but me and my spirit.

Something just occurred to me... but it's okay.

I'm okay.

Senseless

Still beleaguered from my latest developments...

I cannot write a paper out of a stagnating mind caused by corporate mindset and administrative simplifications. As I struggle to get out of the corporate world through gambling this master's degree that promises a research career, I find myself dumbfounded by the same sets of literature which I have been reading (and actually adoring) during my polsci days. What is happening to me? Am I just being too hard on myself? Or am I not giving my utmost capability in the undertakings of my so-called specialization?

Few weeks to go and the term is over. I am afraid to admit that until this very moment, I am still adjusting and still struggling to divide the two worlds I created: my job and my class. Worse is the possibility of not bringing Joyce back to life and to the craft of writing that has been her lifeline in her so-called academic world.