Grow

Two weeks ago, after a heaved sigh of nicotine, I pensively looked at her and said:

"Ma'am, what do you suggest? Should I pursue the position or not? If you suggest to me not to pursue it, it will really be okay. I will understand."

Her thoughts are far beyond her computer screen, then a bitter smile managed to get out of her tired face.

"Of course, if you will ask me and I got selfish, I want you to be my secretary. But I cannot be a hinder in the name of progress. After all, it's for your career advancement."

She crossed her arms, leaned on the lawyer's chair, and looked at my eyes.

"Kayo?"

"Ikaw?"

"Kayo po?"

"Hindi, ikaw?"

"Eh...!"

I have never thought that leaving from her grasp will be emotionally exhausting.

"Pag-isipan mo. After all, if you got accepted, you'll still be under me." She tried to laugh and refocus her attention to her wide screen.

***********

One week ago, one and a half hour after the office period expired, she asked me to go to her room and asked some last few errands.

"Joyce, can you find out tomorrow how much the rate is? And here's the engagement letter, can you please scan this?"

"Yes ma'am."

It was a normal office day and I was already at the phase of accepting her rejection to my proposal to leave her side.

"And... Joyce?"

"Yes, ma'am?"

"I chose you ha, so you have to be trained by Tess. And at the same time, promise me you'll train your replacement for me ha?"

I could not even manage to smile upon hearing the good news.

"Ma'am, that is so sad."

"Yeah, that is so sad... Ano ka ba? It's for your career advancement naman, di ba?"

*******************

Then I realized... I did not mean to end up looking at her as my mom, but I do.