Issues

It does recur.

The issue of being single, again and again. People equate happiness to having a partner. And it's such an annoying feeling to question my single-hood. I'm sick of contemplating my state of being single; further, to justify it. I may need affection, I may need "love", but I am not (and perhaps will never be) prepared for the responsibility of commitments ( I know it's redundant). Afraid? To certain degree, yes. Not being too defensive, but fear is not the primary issue. It's just that, I can sense an unexplainable burden when serious relationship is about to sink in at the scenario. Whatever that is, that burden is more burdensome than enduring this so-called loneliness. People who doesn't know me well finds it a given that I have a boyfriend. The time when I insist I am not, they just can't absorb the idea and (perhaps, I assume) silently conclude that something's wrong with me. At times I am seriously considering their 'diagnosis' too. Anyway, I am carefully restraining myself into delving further, lest I would harness this growing depression.

Another myopic thing, I am sick of observing things into bulk. One can condemn a system, a behavior, but to sum it all up into a sweeping generalization of the "identity of a collective" is incomprehensible. True, I hate the system of UP; as I said, I am even willing to make an empirical study with the hypothesis that "UP system is the microcosm of the Philippine bureaucratic system'. But that is it. I dislike the system, and not claim that all UP students (or include faculty) are the airhead activists that many people may label them. Same is true with the study of law. I overtly argue time and again with not just one group of people that law is not for me because the curriculum requires the students to embrace conformity. In fact, I just read a political economy article, stating that "law is the codification of norms." And it's just out of my character. That doesn't mean, moreover, that all lawyers are conformist at all times. And so, going further, I was frustrated to be treated by an Atenean lawyer (which happens to be one of my bosses) a disgust to find out I am taking my master's degree at La Salle, since DLSU students as they say, are not studying anyway. Worst, asking what degree I am specializing, and telling them it's development policy (and consequently explaining to them that it's a polsci thing), they feel it's futile and advised me to shift in MBA instead. In the end, I blame myself of setting this discussion not just only in this corporate environment of the office; but more specifically to the people working at the Corporate Commercial Department. What is a "weird" person like me doing here anyway?

Final thought, I condemn the proliferation of free-riders. I hope I am not sounding too normative, but being in the graduate school, everybody is supposed to be independent to accomplish course requirements. The methodology of the professors itself suggets a very individualistic way of passing the course. Don't argue that independence and selfishness is equivocal here, because I am not talking of moral values. The instance we decided to take a graduate study is a clear indication that we are challenging ourselves to grow further. Supposedly, nobody is counting on the other to provide them a book and further expects to receive the charity of a classmate of paying for them in advance. We are all struggling for our own survival here.

There are more issues I cannot contain any further...