Forgiveness

For the persons who refused to know me.For you who never listens to anyone but yourself. When I was still vain from innocence and you were still a father with firm decisions, I used to see you as a figure that rests in the intellectual pedestal. When I was in the formative years of maturity, your presence was a sign of fear and a threat to my happiness. Your persistence to exercise your patriarchal position forced me to fabricate a daughter who you want to see. I thought this compromise can last forever until we both become stubborn and struggle to be free from being the persons they know. I will not bend for your forgiveness for being an insensitive daughter. But I have to forgive everything you have done and all the things you are about to do to me so I can escape from this guilt that your patriarchal system has created in me.

For the love that died from your selfishness. Beyond your knowledge, I am doing this to free myself. Perhaps I am more eager to see you again because of the anxiety to forgive you finally. In spite of all the means you had done that brought me down, which almost destroyed myself, I look forward for the day when I can completely convince myself that I have forgiven you. Weeks before, you made me expect that this would finally happen. But I should have known that you have never changed: you still make hasty decisions out of the spur of the moment then quickly retreat when your action submerge into your senses, while being insensitive of its effect to the people around you. Yet what you did made me realize that I don’t need your presence just to forgive you. What I need to do is to stop playing the events when you refused too see how much I loved you.