Somewhere in Between

I have to go somewhere in between two familiar places hated by few people. When home is a refuge of a tired body from work. When work is the dynamism yearned for from the suffocation of home. I must find a courage to go somewhere in between. Courage to accept the consequences of hurting myself from hurting people that surrounds me.

I have to find shelter not housed in a man's body nor from any divinity. I need euphoria not offered by loud music nor capsules. I need to sleep to escape existence - that space between the two restricting dimensions of my little world. If that is the only choice that guarantees no regrets granted for a coward escapist as me.

The eternal trance offered by unconsciousness is an unending space that does not recognize pressure and time is unheard.

But it could not be Death despite its power to ultimately pacify one's body. It destroys numerous hearts trapped from happy memories. It is chocked with endless begging for little more chances and remorse from chances ignored and ran dry.

I need to make love with myself to realize I am real, that reality is not only bound from pain that existence brings. I need to fall in love with myself despite myself to truthfully accept I am beautiful and loved. In this given little space I have learned to despise, I find myself detached and incapable to feel love.

If to love is to unconsciously expect to be loved in return, might as well not love at all. Might as well drift myself to forgetfulness and lose myself to sleep.