Trust Issues

The past four days have been saturating.

Monday, I was marketing my would-be report to another classmate of mine and we have compromised that she would give way on the article we incidentally both choose to report. To compensate, I suggested a justifiable alternative and we've parted as settled into that issue. After the break, the professor inquired to the class as to who will volunteer for next week. In a split second, that bitch next to my classmate whom I negotiated with, blurted out she will report what I was about to report, without even having any idea what was the article about. The professor, being aware that I am also volunteering, asked what my article afterwards, which caught me in a compelled position to select another article that I still have not read even at this very moment.

Tuesday, I woke up late for work and rushed to get off the house in a clumsy appearance. Luckily, I chose a jeep with five thieves, who had the liberty to conduct their modus operandi of robbing my mobile phone, without them even knowing what it looks like. Add the other three very comforting co-passengers who blamed me for being stupid enough not to figure out the modus operandi, with all their pride of boasting me that they knew such strategy all along.

Wednesday, in the depths of my voluminous work, I received an e-mail to my boss, who has been on sick leave the entire day, as regards to a very irate client who has complained how incompetent and befitting I am to the firm in responding to her moron assistant's query on our supposed to be yearly issuance of a god-knows-what agreement it is that she cannot specify. A very generous paragraph was devoted to an elaboration of how I am such an eye sore in the firm. Being as dense as anyone can get, I have never bitched around even to the most irritating client I have ever encountered. The problem with this primadonna is that she could have been humble enough to talk to an assistant as me so as to clarify what the hell she needs before gamboling over the much disturbed thoughts of my boss.

Thursday, before close of business, I have bumped across a former boss of mine from the same department for some minor client matters we have to settle and have to relay to my current boss. It could have been the easiest day of the week until she asked me to close the door to talk to me privately about how wary the associates are on telling me something about my boss that she should not suppose to know. Little do I know that my boss gossips both confirmed and unconfirmed issues about her or other personalities in the firm with the other lawyers and quotes me as the source. My former boss cited a recent event when my boss is about to accept an application of a reluctant insider applicant as her new assistant, until she learned from me that that assistant has asked me if my boss is the silent type of that former partner, whom I did not even know was my boss's rival. My former boss reprimanded that I could have generalized (and play safe, for that matter) my response to the applicant's query to the extent of not name-dropping her former rival. I told her, I am guilty for being insensitive and ignorant about that issue, but what I did is a blessing anyway, since she is even asking me what to do so as not to be accepted as my boss's assistant. But more than that, I am now beginning to be very skeptical about my professional relationship with my boss, whom I was very comfortable of working with for almost a year already.

The last thing I ever wanted is to be misinterpreted.

For the longest time, I have been struggling to kill my trust issues, especially on relationships to the point of avoiding commitments and even potential romance. But this persisting trust issue has showing impressive signs of crossing the borders of and luring over my career.

I cannot even begin to imagine how this week can get worse by tomorrow.